God Wants Me To Be Happy... Not!

This is something I've heard from Xians more than once, especially the evangelical type. "God wants you to be happy!". Bullshit.

Seriously, that is such patent crap that I was almost stunned when I realized how incredibly stupid that phrase is. First off, is God all powerful? Anyone that's likely to throw that phrase at you clearly believes that He is. Then why the fuck am I ever unhappy if what he wants is for me to be happy?

If he's so powerful, why not just make me be happy? I personally feel that it is obvious that one cannot be unchangingly happy, but fundamentalist Xians don't believe that. Ask them what heaven is. The answer is almost always something to the effect of 'being in the presence of god'. And we're all happy all the time in heaven, right? So god can clearly make me happy any fucking time he wants So why do I ever spend time being unhappy?

To tell you the truth, I spend very little time being unhappy, but that's because I go for what I want in life. I'm slightly avaricious, very loving and very slutty. So I make a fair bit of money and get laid a lot, because it's important to me and I refuse to feel guilt about it. [It has been pointed out to me that the preceding sentence is ambiguous. I do _NOT_ see any connection between the amount of money that I make and how often I get laid.] But most (all) fundamentalists want me to give up those pleasures because 'god wants you to be happy'. Pardon? I should make myself unhappy to make myself happy? What?

I finally figured it out last night. The god that fundamentalist (and, to a lesser extent, all non-universalist) Xians describe is like a mean dog owner. He gives you a big, juicy piece of meat, which is the pleasure you can seek and find in this life, and makes you balance it on the end of your nose. But he doesn't just make you do it for a little while, he actually leaves the room for years (your whole life in fact), and watches you from afar, and if you eat the meat, he lets you die alone. If you don't eat the meat, he comes back after a while, takes the meat away, and expects you to be happy just because he's in the room.

Even if they're right, I will never, ever bow to a god that's such a total asshole. NEVER.

-Robin Powell, August 23, 1999.